Last night, the United States re-elected the greatest mistake to ever grace the face of the world; they re-elected Barack Obama. While some people view the 44th President as a man who will restore America’s rightful place in the world, he is clearly the last President to preside over a powerful United States. Not only will Obama bring about the decline of the American Empire, he will bring out about the literal apocalypse.
First, Obama will enact his socialist policies in full scale. The oil companies, car companies, and financial institutions will be fully nationalized. Obama will use his power over the liberal mainstream media to convince the populace that this is a good idea, and through the Death Panels implemented by Obama-care will slowly sentence the fair and balanced staff at Fox News to death. With no voice of reason left to convince the American populace of the radicalism of the President, the White House will gain control over the population not seen since the rule of Stalin.
Next, Obama’s assault on religion and the schools will begin. George Soros will be appointed Minister of Education and Saul Aulinsky’s portrait will hang in every school. Obama will call on his secret Muslim brothers to institute sharia law and all good Christian women will be forced to spit on Ronald Regan’s corpse once a year. The new Black Panther Party will patrol the streets, supported by ACORN’s vast network of ‘community organizers’. The economically productive job creators will be left in the gutter, reduced to poverty by Obama’s insane tax rates. Meanwhile the lazy well-fare queens will stand in lines around the block to collect their free checks from the government. Abortions will be offered on demand at corner stores next to the Slurpees.
Obama’s intent to ruin America will continue with huge defense spending cuts, and America’s enemies will be ready to attack. Al-Quaeda will strike in every weak spot America opens up. Afghanistan will fall once again to the Taliban, and American forces will be ill- equipped to fight back. Meanwhile, Iran will develop nuclear weapons, release their arsenal upon Israel and turn the Middle East into an irradiated wasteland like in the Mad Max movies. Nuclear mutants on motorcycles will roam the Holy Land in search of gasoline to fuel their marauding bands of cannibals.
With the deficit not under control, and Obama’s sympathy for socialism, America will quickly fall to the superior Chinese army. Partisan forces (from ‘real America’ where we vote Republican) will continue to fight the foreign invasion. It would basically be the movie “Red Dawn” but instead of Russians, Nicaraguans, and Cubans, there would be Chinese troops fighting Patrick Swayze in Colorado. But the partisans will ultimately be ineffective as Obama will have repealed the second amendment, and all of our guns will be gone.
Lastly, the Obama administration will use the oppressive power of Obama-care to test experimental treatments on the American public. A zombie virus will be voluntarily introduced into the populace. Stuck between zombies and Communists, the few remaining partisans will quickly die off and in the apocalyptic wasteland Obama will stand cackling on the balcony of the White House laughing as America lies in ruins around him.
This is what you get America for re-electing Barrack Obama. We all know that Mitt Romney loves America, and know he’s going to just have to love what’s left of it.