Bears Crush Calvin the Cougar’s Soul | By Emerson Csorba

Just last week, prestigious scholars from a highly-regarded statistical analysis institute predicted an 8-1 win for the Pandas soccer team over the rival Victoria Vikes. In hindsight, it’s possible that the score was intended for the Bears soccer tilt against the Mount Royal Cougars. Just like when babies get switched and mixed-up at birth by different families (it happens). Let’s look at the match details, through some Twitter storytelling courtesy of midfielder Andrew Hood and company.

Of course, we have to begin with the pre-game tweets:

As the players make their way onto the pitch for the opening whistle, the tension is palpable. The Cougars’ coach has probably told his team to “come out strong, attack, be aggressive” and whatever else coaches tend to tell their players before games. All of this is crushed in the first minute of the match. Cam Schmidt scores before the ref can even jog down into the Cougars territory.

The Cougars take a deep breath – ok, tough break, we can do this. 

One minute later and the Bears strike again. Calvin the Cougar cringes. The Pandas exhibition loss is HAPPENING AGAIN. Only worse. It’s like one of those bad dreams where you’re running away from someone but you’re actually going nowhere. And then you wake up dripping in sweat and are scared to move around.

Only Calvin the Cougar doesn’t wake up. The dream just goes on and on and on.

We turn it over to Andrew Hood once more:

Two minutes in and it’s 2-0. That means there’s still 88 minutes to turn the game around. It can happen. Just a few bounces here and there. The pre-game jitters are out of the way. Plus, Jamaica came back to the beat the United States in soccer just one day earlier, right?

For some onlookers, thoughts of record-breaking performances begin to emerge. For instance:

By the 75th minute, the game is, to few fans’ surprise, in the books.

And how did the team celebrate?

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