This has been a busy week, with many articles produced, so this preview is rather short. HOWEVER, that doesn’t lessen the piece’s impact; there’s still plenty of relevant and 100% accurate info in here.
Unless you’re a Bears or Pandas player, you didn’t know that the Bears soccer team is in Victoria. AS WE SPEAK. Now you know. But what is this Victoria place we speak of?
Here are a few things about Victoria that you need to know, before we delve further into the game:
1. It’s an island.
2. They have a university with a mind-blowing number of rabbits. That means a lot of rabbit sex.
3. All everyone does in British Columbia is smoke pot.
4. Victoria is in British Columbia.
5. Therefore, all everyone at U Victoria does is smoke pot.
Phew, so now you know basically everything about Victoria. Now we can talk about the game. Here are five things that you need to know about the match-up taking place later today:
1. Victoria won last year’s CIS national championship. This year, they’ve been AVERAGE.
2. The Bears have DOMINATED a bunch of lacklustre teams, and goalie Jay Vetsch hasn’t allowed a goal.
3. The Canada West schedule is fucked up.
4. Ran out of things to say about U Vic…
5. [Reads over initial five points and remembers point two about bunnies.] There will probably be rabbits around the stadium. If you want a real zoo, however, go to San Diego. It’s not an island but it’s close.
If you’re mad because this article isn’t as thought-provoking as the other ones, then read this. Until then, enjoy the weekend!