September 28th, 2011 — Ozzie Guillen introduced as new manager.
November 11, 2011 — Franchise officially rebranded as the Miami Marlins. Pitbull is involved.
December 7th, 2011 — 2011 NL batting title winner Jose Reyes signs a six year, $106 million contract; all-star shortstop Hanley Ramirez moved to third base.
April 4th, 2012 — New home stadium “Marlins Park” inaugurated with a 4-1 loss to the defending champion St. Louis Cardinals.
April 9th, 2012 — Ozzie Guillen makes bizarre pro-Castro comments.
April 10th, 2012 — Ozzie Guillen apologizes for bizarre pro-Castro comments, receives five game suspension.
June 3rd, 2012 — Marlins defeat Philadelphia to move to 31-23, tying Washington for first place in the NL East.
June 4th, 2012 — Marlins begin a 38-70 stretch with a 11-0 loss to Atlanta.
July 25th, 2012 — All-star
shortstop third basemen Hanley Ramirez traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers.
October 3rd, 2012 — Marlins drop to 29 games out of first place in NL East following a 4-2 loss to the New York Mets, their lowest (and final) deficit.
October 23, 2012 — Ozzie Guillen dismissed as manager.
November 13, 2012 — Miami agrees in principle to a trade that sends Jose Reyes and pitcher Josh Johnson to the Toronto Blue Jays for Yunel Escobar and a bleak future. President of Baseball Operations Larry Beinfest spotted wandering down South Beach, counting his money and kicking puppies (this may or may not have actually happened).
Sometime in December, 2012 — Former baseball great/alien enthusiast/generally crazy person on Twitter Jose Canseco hired as manager, probably (read: hopefully).
Special thanks to baseballreference.com for stats, records and research.