Mo Needs a Shave | By Goran Miletic

Properly growing a moustache is not an easy endeavor. First off, you can’t assume that all you have to do is grow some facial hair and simply shave everything off East, West and South of lipsky. Growing a moustache needs to be treated as a different part of you, a part that needs courage for those that gawk and point, a part that requires tender loving care for growth, and a good moustache comb. Indeed, moustaches need care, and the first step is learning how to properly shave.

Now, it may very well be a fact that woman in our generation find the Mo a tad disturbing and in some cases they even go as far as to call them ‘pedophilic’, but let’s remember one very important thing about the Mo during this month of the year: Mos make Mo money. Canada is the top funding country during this Motacular month of the year with Mos as far as the eye can see. So next time you see a Mo, no matter how tattered and/or terribly groomed it may look, respect the valiant effort the owner of that Mo put in, to try and acquire as many funds as possible for the betterment of men’s health everywhere!

Here are some tips on keeping your Mo live and well.

1) Grow ‘dat Mo: regardless of the fact that it’s mid-month you can always do a little crash-test Mo-ing. Start off by gradually growing off that facial hair, and it doesn’t kill to moisturize. Get some Nivea for Men and dab some of that wonderment on your face and massage it onto the facial hair, so the skin behind it can contract some hydration during this dry season. There’s some empirical truth to massaging the face as well, especially in the places that are growing hair because it helps promote growth, so treat your face with some rub n’ tug as you apply some moisturizer just under the cheekbones. 

2) Plan your shave sched: For the sake of Movember, you want to keep a steady update for all your Mo-fans, so my suggestion would be to shave it off every week starting at the beginning of the month of Movember.

3) Sharpen that blade: Shaving can always be a little tricky. You can get a good clean shave at my favorite barber shop, Barber Ha, if you’re feeling skiddish and would like some pro advice, or simply follow these instructions:

– Dampen the skin with hot water in order to open those pores up. With dilated pores comes a smoother shave, and while you’re at it add on some (Proraso) pre-shaving cream to wake that skin up and provide a refreshing stigmata for the skin before the cream gets lathered on.

– Squeeze out some shaving cream onto your palm and don’t overdo it; just make sure the amount is one-third the width of your palm. Massage thoroughly: a lot of men out there just face plant the shaving cream and begin the procedure when the skin hasn’t even had a chance to absorb for lubrication, or the hairs haven’t even softened for the shave. Massage it in, and it will only take a minute. The massaging can even prevent any ingrown hairs or overly itchy skin post-shave.

– Take long smooth strokes with the blade(s), have the one free hand hold the skin back tighter from underneath on the area you’re shaving. This will provide closer contact with the blade(s). I like to start at the neck and move up, personally.

– Don’t be afraid to go over the same spots once or twice in order to really get a clean shave in! Once you’re confident that you shaved it all off, splash some warm water and clean that mug up. Be sure to add some moisturizer to the skin or a post-shave balm to prevent any razor burns or extreme rash. Find something with witch hazel in the ingredients. It’s almost detrimental for a man’s face to acquire some after-shave balm, especially if he just shaved off a beard and/or moustache after a long haul.

4) Let what comes naturally: It’s mid-month, so either you’re entirely lost and have a coarse cookie duster or you’ve given up all hope and decided to grow out all your facial hair, so as to take attention away from your deplorable flavour-saver. Don’t give up hope, remember not everyone looks great in a moustache, so if you find yourself looking into the mirror and crying because you’ll never look like Tom Selleck during his Magnum PI days, don’t fret. Remember that you’re doing this for men all over the world, and someone is bound to donate some money, maybe not for how great your moustache looks – and maybe not for your philanthropic efforts – but simply because you have the balls to wear the thing around in the first place. The majority of us Mo Bros end up growing out the Chevron moustache because it comes out naturally, so stick to what your Mo knows best. And who knows: maybe if you’re lucky, and you follow some proper shaving techniques, your skin and facial hair will thank you. One day you will grow a masterpiece that even twist at the ends.  KEEP IT UP MY MO BROTHERS!

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  • Duke Ellington

    Pedophilic? More like pedo-phallic! Y’all knows what i’m talkin’ bout!!