Last week, in our first edition of the Deadspin.com-inspired varsity sports rankings, we had the Bears soccer team at #1 and the football team nearby at #120. Based on the weekend sports results and our finely-tuned, peer-reviewed criteria, this week’s rankings changed slightly.
1. Pandas rubgy: Opened the season with 48-0 and 58-3 wins over Victoria and UBC. Pretty strong, but we docked a few points for the three points conceded to UBC.
2. Pandas soccer: FIFTY THREE SHOTS against UNBC. Granted, only 24 were on goal… but still, 53 SHOTS. That’s more than what Amy Winehouse averaged on a night out before she died. The Pandas won 6-0, which seems like nothing considering the number of chances they had.
3. (tie) Bears soccer: Tough weekend against U Vic and UFV. Watching the games online, though, the refs’ calls were pretty questionable – especially against the penalty shot converted by U Vic. UFV played like people that absolutely suck at soccer and always hack your legs instead of going for the ball.
3. (tie) Bears hockey: 11 goals for and just 4 against in the two opening matches against Manitoba.
4. [Vacant]: No team deserves fourth spot at the moment. Check back next week.
5. Pandas hockey: Ok, so they lost their final pre-season game against Queen’s, but went 10-1 overall during the warm-up games. They were ninth last week. Maybe fourth in week three?
6. (tie): Whichever fans made it out to the Bears football game on Sunday. Commitment.
6. (tie): Pandas field hockey: They WOULD have a few wins right now, if it wasn’t for Athletic Director Putin. Field hockey team not good team for university says AD Putin.
10. Edmonton weather this past weekend. Nothing beats fall.
-10: Bears football: En route to a perfect season, maintaining the streak against UBC. Half way to a degree in Bears Football Futility!