Pandas Prey on Big Bird-UBC Divisions? | The Wanderer Sports

Though it’s -5 at the time of writing, the high for Friday is 10 degrees Celsius, and this quickly turns to 16 on Saturday. THANK GOD. Because if this hell-is-freezing over weather persists into the weekend, during the ONE TIME that the Bears and Pandas soccer teams play back-to-back, that’d be abuse. Abuse from the Soccer Gods… who are likely lounging in Barcelona somewhere, flipping the channels to Gol TV, watching Lionel Messi dance awkwardly in Lay’s commercials or Christiano Ronaldo dive as if he’s been hit in the back by a 250-pound NFL linebacker. Rant over.

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So this weekend, the Pandas open the home series against UBC at 12 pm. The Thunderbirds are probably flying out to Edmonton today, so they’re gonna have some major jet-lag for the trip. Hopefully a bird doesn’t get stuck in the plane’s propellors, because that would be awful. (In this scenario, however, would the Pandas take the W? The answer is YES.) While flying via Air Canada Jazz from Vancouver to Edmonton, there’s a 47% chance that the UBC team will view highlights from the recent American Presidential Election debate, between Obama and Romney.

And then there’s Big Bird. With the Wednesday night Obama-Romney debate, PBS funding was put into question by Romney, and with that, the fate of Big Bird. (We all know Sesame Street’s going nowhere anytime soon; however, Big Bird is PISSED.) Thankfully for the Pandas, Thunderbirds and Big Bird hate each other. It’s no different than Israel and Palestine; the United States and Pakistan. Five years ago, after earning his BSc from the University of North Dakota, Big Bird transferred to Harvard for a second degree, majoring in Government Studies. Big Bird was flying high, interning at the Washington Centre and drinking expensive red wine five nights per week. Then, in an unexpected twist of fate, he applied to UBC for his PhD – and was declined. At first, the friendly yellow bird thought it was a mistake. How does a HARVARD graduate get turned down from a Canadian school?! Soon after, he learned that it wasn’t a mistake, but in fact, a deliberate implementation of a new UBC anti-bird policy (apart from thunderbirds, of course). Livid, Big Bird vowed to find revenge.

Five years later, with a solid backing from the American populace, the day has come. As the Pandas and Thunderbirds fight in one of the CIS games of the year, Big Bird will be watching.

CC photograph courtesy of “LR_PTY” on Flickr

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