Pandas Temporarily Transcend Reality in Match against Timberwolves | The Wanderer Sports

If you thought that this article is about a recent spotting of timberwolves outside of Transcend Cafe on 109 street, you’re wrong; the closest timberwolves live in Minnesota. Or maybe the Rivervalley. Whatever, you get the point.

No, this entry is all about the Pandas soccer team, which channeled Neil deGrasse Tyson in their Sunday match against the UNBC Timberwolves, moving well beyond the realm of what is considered a normal soccer match, posting FIFTY THREE SHOTS AGAINST THEIR OPPONENTS. That should qualify as abuse. Considering the number of shots hammered against the UNBC keeper, it’s surprising that she didn’t end up with a concussion, sort of like Mike Tyson or basically every player in the NFL. What we’re all really thinking, however, is what exactly goes on in the UNBC keeper’s head during a game like this: “HOLY SHIT why does my time suck so badly. Couldn’t you just limit this to 25 shots? That would still suck, but it’d be twice as good as what you managed today.” Probably something like that.

There were several players on the Pandas with over ten shots, which in similar fashion to the Mount Royal match, is more comparable to a hockey game than anything else. With this game, the Pandas showed that their offensive output is pretty much at the same level as the Bears football team, and that’s without accounting for the fact that soccer is a much more low-scoring sport than football.

The thing is, the Pandas now return to reality. The upcoming weekend’s gonna be pretty tough, with a Saturday tilt against UBC. But before we get to that, find out where the Pandas wound up in our weekly Pandas and Bears Top 10 Or So Rankings!



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