Snow removal is always a contentious issue for Edmontonians. Most years it snows, and catches us all off guard. Shortly after the first snowfall the news is flooded with issues of how efficient the snow ploughing is, or how many tax dollars were spent on its removal. It’s a broken record. That’s why this year I am so happy to see that the City of Edmonton is taking a proactive approach to solving these issues. They’ve simply stopped clearing snow from north Edmonton! I think the three-inch thick layer of ice left on the roads north of Downtown—while my residential cul-de-sac is scraped and cleared—is a brilliant solution the city has come up with that benefits ALL Edmontonians.
Everyone who lives on the north side is poor and on welfare. These people can’t afford cars. Why should we pay to plough their roads if no-one is driving on them anyway? From what I hear they don’t even bother building garages on that end of town. Not that I know personally, I’ve never actually ventured to north Edmonton. Nonetheless I’m sure were we to hypothetically drive through the north side, or perhaps ride through with one of our police officer friends (definitely not safe to drive yourself through that part of town) we wouldn’t see a car in sight! Anyone who lives there solely takes public transportation. The busses running behind even run behind in the best of times, so I ask you, does it really matter if the busses are running an extra hour or two behind because of the snow? I don’t think it does. After all, everyone who lives on the north side is involved in crime and illegal activities for a living, so it isn’t a problem if a drug dealer arrives an hour late to the street corner he does business on.
Critics might argue that the poor helpless children of the north side won’t make it to school on time, but the truth is that children on that end of town don’t attend school anyway. They spend their afternoons terrorizing civilians downtown. In fact, by making it more difficult for these young hooligans to get around via transit would likely decrease the city’s crime rate by forcing these criminals to stay home for eight months of the year. As I stated before, people who reside on the north side don’t have legitimate jobs; they are all involved in criminal activity. By preventing these people from leaving their side of the city and coming to the southside we are ensuring that our neighborhoods stay safe from the crime. They are all drug dealers and petty thieves, so they don’t actually own their homes; they are squatters, or even worse: RENTERS. Therefore, northsiders don’t pay property taxes. We of the south have been footing the bill for their snow removal for all these years! This injustice must be stopped.
I have of course considered those unfortunate souls who drive through the north end on their way to their jobs in the core and south. The good people of Fort Saskatchewan, St. Albert, and Sherwood Park may have to travel through those slippery streets on their way to work, but they don’t live in Terwillegar and therefore I don’t care about them. In fact, if we can prevent them from entering our city entirely it is for the best.
I encourage you to write your local councilor and thank them for both reducing crime in our neighborhoods AND enabling us to still drive 100km/hr on the Whitemud the day after a snowfall thanks to efficient sanding and ploughing! Maybe with the money we’ll save not clearing their streets we can build a wall to make sure those vagrants from across the river can never flock this far south again!
Sydney Rudko grew up and resides in north Edmonton. She is the only child from the north side of the river in the last 20 years to have graduated high school and attended university.