Sometimes, you go to a restaurant or a movie (really, any event within an enclosed space) and a baby starts crying. At first, you’re like, “Meh, it’s just a baby crying, it won’t last for too long, because the parents will step out of the room for a bit.” But what happens is that the PARENTS JUST SIT THERE, LETTING THE BABY CRY. These parents have NO MANNERS. And the baby keeps going throughout the remainder of the movie, crying and crying and crying. Or during your dinner, the baby keeps interrupting as you’re about to say something, and you laugh and smile when in fact this is really pissing you off. What I mean to convey is that babies are sporadic, crying whenever they feel like it. You can never predict babies. One moment, the apple sauce tastes good and baby is all smiles and giggles; the next moment, applesauce is shit and all hell breaks loose as baby erupts with the toddler equivalent of ‘roid rage.
The Saskatchewan Huskies women’s soccer team is just like the aforementioned babies. You can never predict them. Sometimes, they’re all sleepy in their crib, letting UBC, TWU and other teams walk all over then. The next moment, they erupt like the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland (yes, that name was copied and pasted; no way anyone can remember that…). Somehow, Saskatchewan beat VICTORIA, 2-1. The same Victoria that the Pandas tied 1-1. The same Victoria that’s pretty damn good. But then Saskatchewan only beat UNBC 3-1, and proceeded to lose 4-0 and 3-0 to UBC and TWU (the same teams that the Pandas tied and beat this past weekend).
So what does the team do in order to keep this baby sleepy?
1. Babies love applesauce (as do many adults), so we laboured to find this excellent applesauce recipe on About.com. You can find it here. To provide a quick glimpse at the recipe, however, the Pandas need the following:
- 12 apples
- 2 cups of water (optional)
- 1/4 cup lemon juice (or to taste)
- 1/2 cup real maple syrup, honey, or brown sugar (or to taste)
- 2 teaspoons cinnamon (or to taste)
- 1 teaspoon allspice (optional)
The applesauce recipe serves 12, which is enough to feed the Saskatchewan starting line-up AND their team coach, the instigator of upset babies.
Though this show won’t keep babies sleeping, it’ll keep them all giggly and smily throughout the entire 30 minutes. Play back-to-back-to-back shows and that’s the 90 minutes needed to keep Saskatchewan focused on something else than the game at hand.
Oh the things you find on the internet… Check out this tumblr blog, and you’ll see some very well-dressed youngsters (not exactly babies in all cases, but close). Make a quick pit-stop at Gap Kids en route to Saskatchewan, pick up some preppy baby clothes and voila, a happy and giggly baby. Add a baby satchel and some cherry red pants, and you will be one stylish baby.
There are doubtless other keeping-babies-happy techniques, but that research will be up to you.
Questions? Comments? Send them our way at firstname.lastname@example.org.