The Best of New Years Resolutions | By Sydney Rudko

Best of 2012? If you’re anything like me your eyes are on the road ahead already, which is why I think it’s important to start the season right with a New Years Resolution. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Sydney, a rational mind like yourself must understand how utterly ridiculous New Years Resolutions are!” Little do you know that I am a huge proponent of making and KEEPING New Years Resolutions, and fear not readers, I intend to show you how it’s done.

The key to keeping a New Years Resolution doesn’t have anything to do with you. Honest. What determines your ability to keep it is inherent in the resolution itself. This might sound crazy, but if you start out with a bad resolution there’s no way you’re going to achieve it. There is one simple rule I always employ when choosing and sticking to a New Years Resolution, and that is: always aim low. This isn’t the time to be ambitious. This isn’t the time to make some crazy life-changing commitment. If you’re like me you’re mostly doing this to show off, so save the important things you want to change for a better time. April is a good month for change, it’s a little nicer outside, and you’re no longer suffering from seasonal affective disorder. So, right now I want you to cross “Get an ass like Kim K” off that list. However, just because these aren’t going to be life-changing doesn’t mean they cant improve your quality of life.

Here are some examples of bad New Years Resolutions and how to fix them:

 1. I will floss my teeth everyday

 Lets break this one down by the numbers: you’re going to floss ALL 32 of your teeth 365 times this year. I can assume you aren’t already flossing regularly, so you’re going from zero to all your teeth in one go? That’s too ambitious (I could only see this working if you had fewer than 5 teeth). YOU WILL MISS A DAY. You’ll come home from a late night study session, roll into the bathroom, give your teeth a half-assed brush and go to bed, thus breaking your resolution. So here is how we can fix this resolution:

I will floss only my top teeth everyday, and floss the bottom teeth the week before I go to the dentist as usual. 

Realistic. If you succeed you can incorporate the bottom teeth the following year!

 I will floss all 32 of my teeth 3 times a week. 

Also realistic, there is room for error, and you don’t lose bragging rights if you don’t do it everyday.

2.   I’m going to be more organized

Terrible! Try: I will clean my bedroom/apartment/bathroom/toilet 12 times.

3. I’ll spend less on coffee 

Awful! I’ll buy 3 coffees a month.

4.  I’ll eat better.

No you won’t. But if you insist: Out of the 17 times I eat out a month, on two occasions will I eat a salad instead of chilli fries. 

5. I’ll swear less.

Better: I’ll replace the F word with fiddlesticks when in front of the elderly, or children under the age of 2 who are polite. 

6. I will read more.

Start smaller. I will read my horoscope every day, and by April I will also read my mother’s horoscope every day.

7. I will get smarter.

Pick an easy topic: I will get smarter about celebrity gossip.

8. Eat Breakfast everyday

Only on the weekends. 

9. I won’t let the dirty dishes sit around and fester in my bedroom.

I will do the dishes bi-weekly, or when things begin to smell.

10. I am going to make more money

I will spend less money by buying a cat and spending my evenings and weekends with it. 

Happy New Year!

 

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