The University of Winnipeg Exists? You Serious? | By Wanderer Sports

This weekend, the Golden Bears soccer team, ranked #1 in Canada, travel east to Winnipeg, to take on their university team. Originally, we thought that the only Manitoba university in the Canada West is the University of Manitoba, but it turns out that Canada West went expansion-hungry and brought in not one, not two, but THREE new teams. Winnipeg is one of them, and they’re decent.

The only thing that really matters in Winnipeg is their NHL team, the Jets, but Gary Bettman has done well to create a NHL exodus to Russia’s KHL. So goodbye to the Jets, for now. The Blue Bombers also exist, but come on… NFL season is taking place. The only logical thing that we’re left with is the University of Winnipeg soccer team.

Though our writers are all well-versed in the history of the city, we value Urban Dictionary as a source of Winnipeg descriptions. Thus, we present two descriptions: the first is by Philip Orestes:

A pretty good city in Manitoba Canada. NO LONGER THE MURDER CAPITAL OF CANADA (that title now goes to Edmonton, Alberta). Winters are getting warmer as each year goes by. Some new develoments in the downtown (although no LRT yet, which sucks). An extremely multicultural city; the Filipino Capital of Canada. Also a very underrated city. Tons of festivals in the summer, and a few in the winter. Close to so many lakes and outdoor recreational activity areas. A good city that will soon be upgraded to a “great” city.

So I got jumped and mugged in Calgary and saw three people carrying guns in downtown Toronto. Guess there is crime all over Canada. Winnipeg ain’t looking so bad now.

Our second description is courtesy of “party in the peg”:

A strange, mid-size city in Canada (8th largest) known for extreme weather and very hard partying. The city was in decline from about 1975-2000 but is on the rebound due to lots of jobs, low cost of living, a thriving arts scene, and easy access to pot and coke. All Canadian bands worth mentioning are from Winnipeg. Apparently Homer Simpson is based on a character (Matt Groening’s dad I think) who was from somewhere close to Winnipeg, hence all the references in The Simpsons. Some areas are notoriously unsafe, I believe its the murder, car theft, and assault capital of Canada, all because of the native population. I felt safer in the ghettos of L.A. and Chicago than Winnipeg’s North End. If you want a weekend of good blow and cheap beer, Winnipeg is for you – but bring a gun. Oh, and DONT touch the hookers, you’ll get swine flu.

*****
Thus, it is clear that the Golden Bears must accomplish several things in order to emerge victorious against Winnipeg:
– Bring a gun for each player.
– Avoid hookers and blow (until Sunday evening).
– Stay clear of the North end (pretty much point #2)
And there you go, your weekly Golden Bears soccer preview. If you have any questions or feedback for us, please leave it in the comment box below! And be sure to check out Darren Tardif’s WOSA column to provide some entertaining on-the-road reading material. 

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